[Go Make Things] More myself online

Friday, May 30, 2025

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It's really surprising how many fully remote jobs require mandatory, several-times-a-year travel under the pretense that "face-to-face time is really important for team building."

Today, I wanted to talk a bit about why this is ableist and exclusionary. Let's dig in!

I'm more myself online

This is perhaps a neurodivergent thing, but I actually feel more like myself online than face-to-face.

Eye contact is hard for me. Too much visual or auditory input in an office environment makes it hard for me to focus on what people are saying. I'm awkward at small talk.

Sometimes my brain and my mouth can't keep up with each other, and I either talk too fast and bounce around topics too much, or can't think of responses quickly enough to participate in conversation.

Face-to-face interaction is exhausting for me. I need alone time to recharge afterwards.

Internet culture

Anyone who's active in internet culture knows that you can build deep connections without ever meeting someone IRL.

I've participated in so many projects with fully remote teams where I have never met the people I'm working with in real life, but work extremely closely with them and feel very close to them.

I have people I consider close friends that I only know through the internet. I care deeply about them and their lives. I talk to some of them nearly every day!

Being online isn't separate from real life.

It's different than the physical environment, for sure! But it's not "less real." It's not less meaningful.

I don't need to see your face

I find that a lot of neurotypical folks are really in seeing people's faces.

This was a big thing in the early years of the covid pandemic, when people would get really weird about masking in schools and wanting to see everyone's mouths and noses. It was never a big thing to me, and I'm just now connecting some dots on that.

Anyone who was online during the 90's or early 00's probably remembers having online friends you only knew by username and avatar.

I never felt less connected to people because of that.

I get that some people need face-to-face interaction

Neurotypical folks (and, to an extent, boomers) seems to really need face-to-face time.

That's totally fine! I wouldn't want to impose my preferences on someone else. I wouldn't want to say that no one should get together IRL just because I don't like it.

Lots of people enjoy it. That's cool. Do your thing!

But don't make me do it.

Just like I don't want to impose my preferences on others, I don't want other people's preferences imposed on me.

Fully remote is an accommodation

I actively seek out fully remote jobs for a reason.

I'm more productive. I can structure my day around my optimal hours of productivity, shifting ability to focus, and changes in energy from day-to-day or hour-to-hour.

Asynchronous text communication (Slack, Discord) give me a chance to think about my words before hitting send. I can re-read, re-phrase, and make sure that the tone and meaning actually match what I'm feeling my head.

IRL, that's often not the case, and how I think I sound and how others hear it don't match. Always awkward!

Remote video chat gives me a chance to connect with folks in a "richer" way, and gives folks who want that "face-to-face" something close to it.

But it also affords me the opportunity to pull up a different window so I'm not bombarded with lots of visual noise. Or turn my camera off if I need a break.

I can set myself up in a space that's otherwise free of distractions, and limit my sensory input as needed.

I don't have to deal with the exhaustion of commuting, which would suck away valuable mental energy I need to exist as a neurodivergent person in a neurotypical world.

Please stop making in-person events mandatory

The early pandemic sucked for a lot of reasons. Death. Fear. Uncertainty.

But there was some beauty in it, too.

People came together and actually seemed to give a shit about each other in a much deeper way than we had in ages. So many mutual aid groups sprung up.

Priorities shifted a bit. Everyone slowed down and focused on life beyond work.

And I felt accommodated to a degree I never had before.

Covid showed us that we can build rich, meaningful communities online. Face-to-face isn't a requirement. It's a preference for some people, and a hindrance for others.

So I'm begging you: please stop making travel and in-person events mandatory.

Let me be my true self, and do my best work.

Learn more about subscription front-end engineering. Ship faster and build better systems.

Cheers,
Chris

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