[Go Make Things] Thinking aloud and oversharing

Friday, March 21, 2025

Lately, I've been thinking about communication differences between people with ADHD or AuDHD and neurotypical folks…

I think aloud. Talking through my thoughts and feelings is how I process them.
I mean what I say. There's rarely any hidden pretense or subtext. You get what's on the label.
I learn by asking questions. I like to confirm that my understanding is correct, and probe for edge cases where it might not be.
I overshare. I'm an open book, and feel comfortable being open and familiar with people really soon after meeting them.

Everyone's communication style is different, but I find that a lot of ADHD and AuDHD folks have a similar communication style as I do.

And I also find that in an environment with a lot of neurotypical folks, and particularly in corporate environments, these preferences can create unexpected challenges.

Words are hard!

Thinking aloud and asking a lot of questions is, in my experience, often perceived as arguing or being difficult.

There's perhaps a bit of "I already gave you an answer, so why are we still talking about this?" Maybe? I dunno!

And because neurotypical folks don't always say what they mean, they're often looking for hidden subtext in the things that I say.

A phrase like, "I'm having a tough time understanding how X when Y…" might be perceived as a passive-aggressive dig at some one, because that's often how a neurotypical person might use it. But I literally mean that I don't understand how X is true when Y was not, because I like patterns and consistency.

Me saying, "I suspect you'll think this was a bad idea…" might come across, "You're accusing me of being a jerk/bully," when I literally mean, "I think you're not going to like this. Do you?"

I'm not accusing you of anything. I'm making an honest statement about how I've interpreted a situation and looking for confirmation.

Speed vs. precision

ADHD brains have limited working memory. It's like a computer with a big old HD and very little RAM.

If I don't get thoughts out of my head quickly, they disappear forever as the next thoughts fly in and my brain garbage collects the previous ones.

This means that I tend to prioritize speed precision in my communication.

My initial phrasing may be clunky, but I'd rather get it and then explain it further if needed than spend a lot of time trying to formulate the most perfectly crafted sentence and lose the main idea entirely.

But this can also make neurotypical perceptions around being honest and inquisitive worse.

Because not only did I speak directly or ask too many questions, but I phrased them badly. 😬

I don't apologize for who I am

If my natural way of communicating and processing information is annoying to someone else, that's a them problem.

I'm expected to adapt to how neurotypical folks communicate. Unless I'm purposefully being a difficult asshole, that should work both ways.

I'm at the point in my life where I believe in being authentically myself and not apologizing for my ADHD.

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Cheers,
Chris

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